It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything, so please, forgive my absence. There has been a lot going on as of late. It seems Dane and I are gone most weekends and never seem to get a chance to just relax at home and get some much needed rest. There’s something about traveling, period, that makes you tired no matter where you are going or what you are doing.
This past weekend we went to Dane’s parent’s house for a family birthday celebration. My brother-in-law Derrek and I share the same birthday (Feb 20), so we got together and grilled some steaks. I have to say, this was the most refreshing trip we’ve had in a while. Dane and I have been going through a rough patch. Partly because of finances; Dane working long hours all week, plus biking to work every other day while we share the one working vehicle, and me having my hours cut at work and unable to find a second job. All of that is frustrating, and humbling, and stretching, but (and I’m speaking solely for myself here) it has also been a spiritual battle as of late. So many times I feel like I’m having to fight my own attitude…constantly. From morning to night my attitude seems to riot against me, and I don’t feel like myself, I struggle with it, with my tone, with my reactions to different situations. Often I catch myself answering sharply to Dane, and I see the hurt in his face and my heart breaks because I don’t mean to be this person; I don’t want to be that person; I hate the very heart of that person.
More and more I am desperate for God’s presence. I am desperate for Him to place his gentle hand upon my heart, and break me down that He might piece me together again in a fashion more like His Son. I am not myself, but only when I am in Christ. There is a direct correlation between time spent with God and the person I am. I think often of this song by Jars of Clay, I feel my heart crying out the very words they speak:
God bruise the heels, we’ve dug in the ground,
that we might move closer to love.
Pull out the roots, we’ve dug in so deep,
Finish what you’ve started,
Help us to believe.
We are in transition, from one season to the next; a new, exciting, glorious calling upon our lives. We think of Nepal, we pray for the team that is there already, fighting for the Kingdom, fighting to rebuild the wall, build God’s people. We long to be there, but something about this transition – moving away from Huntsville and the ministry we’ve been a part of for so long, and beginning to support raise – is rocking me. I feel unsteady, we feel unsteady. And it seems that just when we get our feet back under us we’re swept up again.
Lord, I need your presence. Father I know that unlike my fickle heart that is swept away with the feeblest of waves You, Lord, are steady and constant, abounding in love and faithfulness. I cling to you, Jesus, my rock, knowing that whatever storms assail me You remain unshakable, and I unshakable in You.
So this weekend, unlike the many before it that seem to wear us down more and more, brought hope, and life. We visited The Pointe Fellowship, our home away from home church if you will. Pastor Scott is one of a dearest friends. He counseled us before we were married, he was there without hesitation when my father died almost 4 months ago, he has been a blessing in so many ways, ministering to our hearts more than I think he knows. So we visited, and the Lord moved in us, and we felt rejuvenated, and the timing could not have been more perfect. Thank you Jesus.
On another note, being that the job market is lacking, I’ve begun seeking other means of income. Our t-shirt business is picking up again which gives me work to do, but aside from that, I’ve focused some of my free time back to art. I’m trying my hand at Threadless again. It’s a long shot…I know. They receive thousands of submissions, but hey, it’s worth it for the slim chance that one design might get picked, and Dane and I might be able to relax for a week or two. So I urge you, fellow bloggers and faithful readers, vote for my designs, score them high, tell them you’d buy it by clicking that happy, hopeful little button.